Idioms in the Shadow of the Schoolhouse

[DISCLAIMER:  Any musings expressed in this blog are for the sole purpose of entertaining the author and reader. Any similarities to any person, place, or event, however timely, should be considered completely coincidental and should in no way be interpreted as intending to describe or relate any real person, place, or event.]  

I love what I do for a living.  I think I am very lucky to be able to say that and mean it most of the time.  The people I work with are committed, amazing, and interesting.  What frustrates me is all of the stuff I have to listen to, put up with, and wade through before I can actually get around to doing my work - building a learning community in my classroom that facilitates accelerated growth for students.  Blogging is a great way to vent, to remind myself about who I am and what I hope to accomplish, and frequently to embarrass myself when I reread the posts later.  This post has nothing to do with any of that, except maybe the embarrassment part.  It's only abstractly work- or education-related.  It's just some of the thoughts that pass through while I'm driving or laying awake on sleepless nights, and expressing them helps chronicle a bit of the journey.

One thread that I've noticed woven through my "idle" thoughts lately is how my experiences and observations since returning to the classroom have caused me to rethink some common expressions.   In the past, I would hear the saying "When the cat's away, the mice will play," and take it to mean that people generally tend to goof off a bit when the boss is not around.  While this is certainly true in many instances, I think further examination might reveal another implication.  After all, what is play to a mouse but a natural activity? And what is a cat, but a much larger creature who wants to torture the mouse for his own amusement and maybe eat it for dinner?  So, of course, the mice are not able to engage in play, or any other mouse-natured activity, when the cat is nearby, on pain of death or dismemberment.  It stands to reason that it is only when the cat goes away that the mice can come out of hiding and really get to work, doing what mice are actually supposed to do.

Another expression that has been on my mind lately is "the straw that broke the camel's back."  Because I often have way too much to do, more than can ever be done, brokenness is a recurring theme in my life.  I am constantly making decisions about priorities, trying to keep everyone happy, or at least complacent.  I find myself having to give up on that goal time and again as I realize that I can only do so much.  It doesn't matter how badly I want to do or someone else wants me to do, or what great ideas I have or others have for me, there is just so much time and energy apportioned to me by my Creator, and I've yet to figure out how to be the perfect steward of these resources.  It's not always a matter of support, either.  Even with great friends, family, and co-workers who can be wonderful sources of support, there is still only a limited amount of time and energy.  After all, if you prop up the camel so that it remains upright while you load it down, there will still come a point when the burden is unbearable.  The camel might not collapse so long as it is propped up, but it would be in a great deal of pain and unable to carry out its camelish purpose.  Calling the camel names, giving him poor performance reviews, or throwing programs at him about research-based, data driven, best practices in load-bearing and effective camel behaviors will neither address nor resolve the real issue.  So, I'm considering a rewrite, or maybe it's a sequel - something like "It doesn't matter how much support you give the camel if you don't lighten the backbreaking burden."

Holding Back the Tide

This is what teaching often feels like.  The tide can represent anything that wears away at effective teaching and learning - the days before a holiday, the days following a holiday, weather changes, full moons, family violence, drug or alcohol abuse, exposure to inappropriate media, malnutrition and hunger, sleep deprivation, death, abusive language, emotional abuse, neglect, illness, even the seeming innocuous time-wasters such as announcements over the p.a. system, visitors, assemblies, schedule changes, fire drills, and technical difficulties.  Then there are also student behaviors and attitudes, teacher behaviors and attitudes, teacher and student burnout, too much or too little sugar or caffeine, hormones, mean people (sometimes including myself), talkative people (often including myself), agendas, stress, lack of supplies, lack of storage, lack of heat or air conditioning,  or too much heat or air conditioning.  But there are moments, sometimes hours, each day, each week,  when distractions are held at bay, and learning forms in tidal pools, full of interesting tidbits of knowledge and activity, with students delightfully peering in and being changed by what they find there.  In these moments, teaching feels like toes in warm sand, sun on your face, a warm sea breeze, and life all around.

Why did the boy throw the alarm clock out the window?

So he could see time fly.  I haven't thrown any alarm clocks lately, but time is certainly flying!  I can't believe it is already November, and one week in, no less.  This is the candy-contaminated section of the year, when familiarity begins to breed, well, not necessarily contempt, but boredom and audacity.  Our true colors are showing themselves, or so it seems.  Somehow, as an educator, I can't really believe that the stubborn, mean-mouthed child that is causing all the trouble of the moment is really showing his or her true colors, but is, in reality, puffing up the few feathers he or she has in an attempt to look larger and thereby scare away any potential threat.  My students feel safe, but not safe enough.  There is still so much to learn - for me, about reaching and supporting them, and for them, about how to succeed in school, relationships, and life.  Those moments in the crucible, the administrative oppression, the emotional collisions that seem so irrational, the judgment of others, the desperation of trying to conquer the chaos, the distraction of too many chiefs, and the attempt to maintain some semblance of home and family life, these things do seem to be making me stronger, more focused, more in tune with my students and what they need, less swayed by moods and opinions, more able to maintain a steady course.  Oh, be careful what you ask for, because God is faithful even when it's painful (Psalm 111 & Hebrews 12:11).

Vanna & Forrest

In typical first grade style, we start our morning with some calendar work including counting the number of days that we have been in school.  I am constantly seeking to engage students who don't quite understand how to engage themselves.  So, one particular morning a week or so ago,  my idea was to have a student help me with the Days in School count by holding the small place value pocket chart we use for this activity.  I called for someone to be Vanna.  This is a pop cultural reference that my students clearly did not understand, so I taught them about game shows from their perspective - How to Be a Millionaire, and they liked it.  This week, in our 6-week review of Kindergarten, we discussed the letter V and its sound, then proceeded to list words beginning with V.  One student said, "Vanna."  Mission accomplished on that one!

Today we had what our district calls a "scholastic analysis."  This means that a team of administrators from downtown comb through our building with checklists and questions.  I had two different teams come through my room and was one of the chosen few to be interviewed.  It was pretty nerve-wracking, but at least I can cross that thing off of my list.  One less thing!

I am a robot...

So that is what I feel like, a curriculum-delivering robot.  At least that's what I feel is expected of me.  People with checklists in hand, clipboards, iPads and click-clacking typing fingers, noting what is posted, or what is not, watching my schedule against the clock, and talking to students.  I love my class, and the parents are supportive.  My teaching assistant is wonderful.  My students are learning, but I am flustered, frustrated, and discouraged.  Working under TEA campus improvement because of an Academically Unacceptable rating, under the PEAK value-added program designed to re-invigorate the campus, the UVA school improvement program, and a district initiative to implement a standardized curriculum is overwhelming to say the least.  No matter how late I stay or how much of my weekend I devote to planning, preparing, reading, reflecting, evaluating, analyzing, organizing, and aligning, the to do list just keeps growing.  Ever adapting to the latest directive, always learning the most recently-adopted procedure, making preparations to do things one way, then a "quick reset" that changes everything - it takes it toll in time, energy, motivation, and momentum.  I wanted this job and I know I can do it, but it is very difficult.  I think it is more difficult than it should be. 

10 Days In! and Sight Words

I have just completed week 2. I spent this summer remembering why I became a teacher and refreshing my toolkit with strategies that are in line with my beliefs and teaching philosophy. I found out, or relearned, that the most important thing about the beginning of school is not only the teaching of procedures, but the teaching to each and every student that school is a place where they can be safe, accepted, understood, and valued. Tone is very important, even more than words. If your tone shows that you respect your students, the words, although carefully chosen, become secondary. This is what I have learned this week. Don't hang your students out to dry or throw them under the bus, even when they seem to deserve it. Instead, help them fit in, help them save face, teach them the correct way to respond to the trials and social confusion caused by so many immature bodies in a small space and so many grownup demands on their time, motion, and ideas. This isn't new to me. In fact, it is a bit like coming home after the past two crazy, grueling years of this redesigned school trying to find itself amidst the unbearable pressure of school turn around and all of the other small and large tragedies of life.

The first six weeks of first grade is a review of Kindergarten, so we have been reviewing Kindergarten sight words, one of which is the word "my."
Me: Okay, this word is my. Can you think of a way we use the word my? (I was ready to fill in, if no one had any ideas, with "My name is _______.")
La'Brian: Pimp my ride!
Now, how are you going to argue with that?!

...Through the Rain

I just looked back over my posts from the beginning of this school year. I am amazed that it began on such a hopeful note when I think about how it unfolded. From this end, it seems like it started wrong and ended lost in the forest from Snow White's Scary Adventures. It was a difficult year, so much so that I couldn't even stand to write about it. I can see that many good things did happen. The children grew - physically, emotionally, academically - and they learned a lot about how school works. I can proudly report that they can now sit in their place, walk in a line, perform all necessary lunchroom procedures. They still smile, laugh, and sing. They still hug and say "I love you, Teacher!" They know a lot of letters, letter sounds, numbers, can write their name and many other words, and can count as high as 149. We came a long way together, and I will miss them.

Note to Self

Remember the first days of school. PreK students love school, but always want to know when they get to go home and see mom or dad. They cry and test each other out by hitting, saying all kinds of things - kind and unkind, playing with, falling on, kissing, befriending, and ignoring. When they get angry, they say "no" a lot and resist attempts at comforting. They don't listen when you try to teach them the important procedures for a smoothly running school, and they have many stories of their own to tell you and no sense of when to tell them. They have accidents. They don't know how to keep their place in line or walk quietly down the hall. They don't know how the lunch line works at all, and might be scared of it because it looks like "the doctor." They don't know how to take silverware, choose a tray, push it down the rails, choose sides, turn the corner, wait for the space next to the cashier to open up, choose their milk, tell whether or not they have lunch money, or hold on to their lunch card. They don't remember where to sit, and if you try to point to the place, they will not look where you are pointing. They throw up for no apparent reason. They buy a snack credit, but don't know what it is and therefore do not redeem it. They play with absolutely everything. They don't know how to drink from the water fountain and are not strong enough to push in the knob on the faucet that turns on the water for washing hands. They can't quite reach the monkey bars and aren't skilled at sharing or waiting their turn. They do know that the important thing about a finished wooden puzzle laying on a table is that you can turn it over and dump all the pieces out. They know that the thing to do when you see someone running is to chase them, indoors or out, and the thing to do when you hear someone screaming is to join in. They know that if you sing a song with the words "I love you" in it, then you should dogpile the teacher with hugs. They really like to take naps. They love to sing and dance and listen to stories. They smile and laugh a lot. They are challenging, exhausting, wild, and wonderful!

How Wonderful It Is

I have been on the fence, so to speak, about this school year. Many things have changed since this time last year, and many of the changes are not for the better. We return - to battle the disappointments of realizing that Camelot will not materialize as originally promised, to tackle the challenges of working with an impoverished student body, and to push through the stresses of moving forward in uncertainty and unpreparedness that is beyond our control. We face the pressure of outside forces that muffle our heart cry for meeting the needs of our students in meaningful ways, and navigate the internal strife caused by politics and misunderstandings. So I came back to school still mourning the loss of our collective dream and my personal ideals. I dismantled the hurried packing job that I completed last June and stood in the midst of the chaos, overwhelmed by the clutter. I sat through the first two days of somewhat dubious professional development, gritting my teeth and trying to be invisible. Then I spent the weekend with my loved ones and cherished reality. I prayed a lot and thought about God's sovereignty. I remembered that God disciplines and prunes and that the process is painful, but the result is fruitfulness. On Monday, our teaching and leadership staff undertook a community walk to disseminate information and welcome families back to school. I saw some of my students and parents from last year. As my group walked and talked, I got some face time with my principal and was able to express some of my concerns. On Tuesday, I was beginning to feel ready to meet the new school year. My friend posted this quote from Anne Frank: How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. Today, I attended some professional development that was right on target and very encouraging. I feel lucky to be working in a department that understands and advocates best practices for Prekindergarten teachers and students. I have a lot to accomplish before Monday, but wondering if I will love teaching is not one of those things. It's going to be a great year.

April Showers Bring May Flowers

Today the students came back to school after being out for a week in the wake of the N1H1 flu scare. After all of the turmoil of April - stomach flu, broken arm, a long parade of substitute teaching assistants, the second new student in six weeks, a new Promethean board and training for it, deciding to build a house and trying to get ours ready for sale, TAKS testing, and the swine flu craziness - this has been one of my favorite days of this school year. My students were rested and happy to be back. I was rested and happy to be back after having yesterday to work on some of the organizational challenges of my classroom. Everything was pretty calm in the classroom and througout the school. We worked really hard all morning, and then worked on a Mother's Day project for the afternoon. My students were trying to use their words to solve the daily problems that arise in a classroom full of 5- and 6-year-olds. I still had three absent, but that left 18 students which is a practically perfect number. All in all, the students seem to have grown in many ways over the past week. They have been showing a lot of growth in many areas, but I think the time off was good for them. I didn't have to resort to using any official means of monitoring their behavior, it just flowed. And I think almost every child told me they love me at least once during the day. You just can't top that!

I See the Finish Line

This is the first post of 2009. School has been closed for a week now in the wake of the Swine Flu scare. This has been a crazy year of starting behind and catching up, moving ahead and falling behind again. There have been so many last minute changes and unknown elements in each day that I struggle to know how to make a plan for anything. The good thing about all of the craziness and flexibility is that the really important things start to stand out. Even though it sometimes seems impossible to press on through the mirky chaos, the finish line starts to look clearer and somehow we gird up and try again, even more determined and more focused. I can't wait to see what the last month of school will look like. I am excited to look back over how far we have come. But the time seems so short now, we still have so much to do. How will we ever get everything done? I'm already starting the mental checklist for next year...

A Christmas Story

I gave each of my students a book and a Chapstick for Christmas. I knew they would like the Chapstick, but I wasn't sure about the book. I picked out several copies of 5 titles and tried to give each student the book I thought he or she would most enjoy. One of my students is very smart and could easily do well in first grade. In fact, he's so smart that he is beginning to realize that there is a difference between what some people have and what his family doesn't have. He loves school, though, and often says so with a really big grin as he goes about his work. I couldn't wait for him to open his present because he is the one student that I had in mind specifically when I selected a certain book. He loves trains - draws them into every story, reads books about them, asks questions about them - so one of the books I got was about Thomas the train. When he opened the package, he gave me the biggest hug and it lasted a long time while he recovered his composure. "Thank you, thank you," he said, clutching the book. Waving the wrapping paper he added, "I'll never throw this away, never, never, never!" I know we joke about little ones who would rather play with the wrapping paper, but I have to wonder what this child's Christmas must be like when he is so excited to have a present that he keeps the paper for a souvenir...

Pinata Plans Agley

It turns out that if you are studying Christmas in Mexico and plan to make pinatas from balloons, newspapers, and flour paste, there are a few things you should know. First, although it does wash out, flour paste is one of the messiest substances I've ever used in a classroom, and since students don't like it on their hands, they regularly wipe their hands clean using whatever is available be it furniture or clothing. If you should decide to tackle a project of this magnitude, you should plan ahead and ask students to bring a change of clothing or else you might find yourself writing notes home to explain to parents why you are sending their children home looking like tiny mummies. Also, flour paste is quite drippy and does not vacuum out of the carpet when dry as one might expect. Second, it takes about two to three days for each layer of paper mache to dry, so please do not begin this project on the Wednesday of the last week before winter break. Third, if you plan to paint the pinatas, you must not plan to do so on the morning of the Christmas party when your students are wearing their "fancy clothes" which they gained permission to wear after writing a letter to the principal. This remains true even if the students are wearing smocks. If, however, you should begin this activity unaware of the pitfalls and realize too late that there is no way to finish in time, please note that you can always fall back on the paperbag pinata as a last-minute alternative. It is much less messy to make, although it does not have the satisfying hit-it-with-a-stick hard shell found in the paper mache version. Decorate with markers, stickers, colored paper or tissue paper, stuff and tie the top with yarn. Ta-dah!

Holiday Happenings

This week has been very interesting. I've changed the routine a bit and we are studying holidays around the world in place of our usual literacy & Social Studies. My students seem to be feeling a bit more free to express themselves, and we've had several "bad word" incidents. On the positive side, I've seen students quizzing each other and me about the ABCs, reading out loud to themselves and each other, and writing a lot more. Today we made mkekas, the woven mats used in celebrating Kwanzaa. This is probably the largest, and most individualized, project to date, and many of my more diligent students did not know what to make of it. It took quite a while and a lot of helping and fixing of mistakes, but most of them are finally finished and they are so proud of themselves. The mats look great. Now it's time to plan the holiday party - yea! My students want to write a letter to the principal asking permission to "dress up" for the party instead of wearing their regular school uniforms.

3 days!

I am a terrible blogger! Things keep happening so fast and I work too late and I can't seem to find the time to write. I can't believe it is already the end of October. I am feeling frustrated and sad because I can't seem to catch up, and I can't get all the materials I think I need. My teaching assistant comes only one or two days each week, so I never know what my day will look like. The last few days have been tough. I don't think I'm alone in this. Other teachers and staff seem pretty frustrated as well. I think much prayer is in order here.

Enough complaining. Some good things are going on. Last week I added time in the computer lab and the science lab to our classroom schedule. The kids seemed pretty excited. The computer lesson was just introductory, but the kids will have more time to explore this week. The science lab was so nice and clean when we arrived. We dissected some plants from our school garden and taped specimens of plant parts in our science journals, then labeled them. My students all wanted a bathroom break while we were there. I think this was mostly due to being near new bathrooms. However, one of my children was found crying in the bathroom after an "accident." The science lab looked like a tornado had blown through, and we have a school nurse who refuses to help with accidents. It was a crazy afternoon.

My students would happily tell you the countdown to Halloween. They have been certain that it is any day now since October began. We are having Mathoween at my school. This means that we will be doing Halloween-themed mathematics-focused activities all day long. It is also the end of red ribbon week when we emphasize the "say no to drugs" message. It is a nice change and Friday should be fun. I'll let you know.

Wow!

This has been a crazy six weeks. I think that I have now officially lost my second teaching assistant. I believe she has been let go, although I am not exactly sure of the reason. Nobody tells me anything! So, I've had some more substitutes. Also, this week we had an Instructional Planning Meeting (IPM). I'm including the acronym to emphasize it's importance. This is a meeting that low-performing schools must have to determine what interventions are being put in place to correct the previous shortfalls. It lasts for the entire school day. Many high-level school district personnel and curriculum specialists meet with teachers in various content areas - literacy, math, and science in our case. The meeting is recorded by someone sitting at a computer - kind of like a court reporter. We answered questions about our assessment data and our Campus Improvement Plan (CIP). We gave brief descriptions of what goes on in our classrooms in each of the content areas and specifically what we are doing to reach our subgroups and those students who are performing below grade level. We were all pretty nervous about it, but it actually went pretty well. The district administrative team was very helpful and concerned that we had everything necessary to perform the task at hand. At one point, a huge grasshopper-type beast flew from one of the potted plants, across the room, fluttered around the heads of squealing, squirming teachers and administrators, and landed on the science curriculum specialist. This brought much laughter and lightened the mood considerably. I left the meeting feeling empowered and encouraged.

The Parents Are Coming!

Tomorrow night is Open House. I have no student work in the hall, and I'm not sure exactly what I want to say to my students' parents. Hopefully, more will come than did on Back to School night when I had 2 families stop by to meet me. I had a great day today and my class did also. My new TA is in place and my challenge child was absent, so things went more smoothly than they have in a week or so. We actually did almost everything on my plans today and the classroom environment stayed quite positive. Tomorrow we give the Naglieri Nonverbal Ability Test followed by the TPRI the next day. I had my first somewhat Spanish conversation with a parent today. I sent home progress reports on Thursday to each child describing his or her progress in letter and sight word recognition, writing first name, counting and mathematical concepts, and classroom conduct. One mom brought it to me and asked for a translation which I was able to give to her satisfaction. I'm pretty happy about that. Also, I learned that the new Microsoft Word can translate documents into Spanish using WorldLingo, so I'm expecting better parent/teacher communications from this point forward. Now, if I can just get things ready for tomorrow night...

Setback & Highlights

This week was short, but difficult. We surplused a teacher, and my best bud, on Wednesday. She moved to another school who had too many students, because we had too few in our Kindergarten classes. This meant that we also received new students in our classes as her students were divided between the remaining classes. In some ways, it felt like starting over. My students were much closer to tears than they have been in a while, and there is much arguing over seating and other territory-type issues. I still do not have a TA. I was alone on Monday and had a sub. for Tuesday until today. It was great to have another warm body in the room when I had to chase my challenge child around the room or down the hall, but otherwise, it seems like she created more problems than she solved. She worked hard though, and did her best, and for that I am thankful. Next week, I should be getting my friend's TA as a permanent helper. However, she has been absent a lot with illness and I am wondering how this will work out. Hopefully, she will be fully recovered and ready to go by Monday. I'm looking forward to establishing a routine with someone.

Other highlights of this week and last include the Kindergarten Olympics where my friend's class and my class "competed" in an obstacle course to practice using position words such as over, under, top, middle, bottom, above & below. This week, we had three community helpers come to our classes - a doctor, a police officer (female), and a bank representative. The latter was a young man who had attended our school as a boy. That was cool! Next week, we will write our Thank You letters.

Finally, to end the day, I opened the boys' bathroom to find a huge puddle of water which had begun to run over into the classroom next door. There was no sign of where the water was coming from, so the custodian wetvacced the water and all seems to be well. Tomorrow is Professional Development Waiver Day - many meetings and no students. I'm hoping to retool, refocus, and re-energize. Also, I found Psalm 35:1-10, perfect!

Growth!!

Since my teaching assistant resigned last week, things went from bad to worse. I was looking forward to having some days with the classroom to myself. I thought I would be able to put some things in place so that when my new teaching assistant came on board I would have a better idea of what I needed from her. Instead, I discovered just how much help my last TA was. You never know what you have until it's gone. So I spent Monday and Tuesday just trying to hold things together as my one wild child ran around the room, destroyed classroom materials, pinched her classmates, and ran down the hall whenever we traveled. To make matters worse, our upper grades had benchmark testing this week and we were not allowed to leave the room for specials or go to outdoor recess Tues. - Thur. Also, it rained...a lot. So you can see how this created a recipe for disaster.

I prayed a lot, and God sent me Ms. Reed - a wonderful 76-year-old retired teacher who had no problem telling my students how important it was for them to sit still and pay attention so that they could learn. Also, I spoke with the counselor, assistant principal (who is in charge of discipline), principal, and the last year's PreK teacher about my challenging student. On Wednesday, I hit a wall and could not even begin to think about what I should do next even thought my lesson plans were on my desk. Everything started falling into place that day, and I am happy to report that we began to have productive afternoons on Wednesday. We have now had three good days. One of my students who could not even hold a pencil is now writing his name and other words. I have forged what I think will be a good relationship with a parent who called my principal early in the week with some concerns. I was able to step somewhat into my role of department chair, which I had no idea how to do just last week. I have no idea what next week will bring since Ms. Reed will not return, but I have hope!

Stormy Seas

My second week was somewhat eventful, mostly because my teaching assistant resigned. One of my students sprained her ankle and came to school hopping on one foot. We borrowed the wheelchair from the nurses office to get around school. She went back to the doctor today, so we may be back to normal tomorrow. I'm feeling discouraged because I don't feel like we are where I'd like to be after 2 weeks. I'm not getting everything done that I need to accomplish each day, our afternoons are still really rough, and I have one student who refuses to stay with us. This was a particular problem today when I was without a second grownup and had to be sure we all arrived safely at our various destinations. I asked my daughter's Kindergarten teacher, who is quite experienced and very wonderful, when my class would start to listen to me. She answered that it would be six weeks, and she was very serious. So, maybe we aren't so far behind after all. The next few days should be interesting as our classes will be restricted to our own classrooms for specials and recess. The older grades are taking benchmarks under simulated TAKS test conditions. If it continues to rain, we may have some mutiny among the Kindergarten classrooms. I'd better plan some art activities and such to help relieve the cabin fever.