Why did the boy throw the alarm clock out the window?

So he could see time fly.  I haven't thrown any alarm clocks lately, but time is certainly flying!  I can't believe it is already November, and one week in, no less.  This is the candy-contaminated section of the year, when familiarity begins to breed, well, not necessarily contempt, but boredom and audacity.  Our true colors are showing themselves, or so it seems.  Somehow, as an educator, I can't really believe that the stubborn, mean-mouthed child that is causing all the trouble of the moment is really showing his or her true colors, but is, in reality, puffing up the few feathers he or she has in an attempt to look larger and thereby scare away any potential threat.  My students feel safe, but not safe enough.  There is still so much to learn - for me, about reaching and supporting them, and for them, about how to succeed in school, relationships, and life.  Those moments in the crucible, the administrative oppression, the emotional collisions that seem so irrational, the judgment of others, the desperation of trying to conquer the chaos, the distraction of too many chiefs, and the attempt to maintain some semblance of home and family life, these things do seem to be making me stronger, more focused, more in tune with my students and what they need, less swayed by moods and opinions, more able to maintain a steady course.  Oh, be careful what you ask for, because God is faithful even when it's painful (Psalm 111 & Hebrews 12:11).

Vanna & Forrest

In typical first grade style, we start our morning with some calendar work including counting the number of days that we have been in school.  I am constantly seeking to engage students who don't quite understand how to engage themselves.  So, one particular morning a week or so ago,  my idea was to have a student help me with the Days in School count by holding the small place value pocket chart we use for this activity.  I called for someone to be Vanna.  This is a pop cultural reference that my students clearly did not understand, so I taught them about game shows from their perspective - How to Be a Millionaire, and they liked it.  This week, in our 6-week review of Kindergarten, we discussed the letter V and its sound, then proceeded to list words beginning with V.  One student said, "Vanna."  Mission accomplished on that one!

Today we had what our district calls a "scholastic analysis."  This means that a team of administrators from downtown comb through our building with checklists and questions.  I had two different teams come through my room and was one of the chosen few to be interviewed.  It was pretty nerve-wracking, but at least I can cross that thing off of my list.  One less thing!

I am a robot...

So that is what I feel like, a curriculum-delivering robot.  At least that's what I feel is expected of me.  People with checklists in hand, clipboards, iPads and click-clacking typing fingers, noting what is posted, or what is not, watching my schedule against the clock, and talking to students.  I love my class, and the parents are supportive.  My teaching assistant is wonderful.  My students are learning, but I am flustered, frustrated, and discouraged.  Working under TEA campus improvement because of an Academically Unacceptable rating, under the PEAK value-added program designed to re-invigorate the campus, the UVA school improvement program, and a district initiative to implement a standardized curriculum is overwhelming to say the least.  No matter how late I stay or how much of my weekend I devote to planning, preparing, reading, reflecting, evaluating, analyzing, organizing, and aligning, the to do list just keeps growing.  Ever adapting to the latest directive, always learning the most recently-adopted procedure, making preparations to do things one way, then a "quick reset" that changes everything - it takes it toll in time, energy, motivation, and momentum.  I wanted this job and I know I can do it, but it is very difficult.  I think it is more difficult than it should be. 

10 Days In! and Sight Words

I have just completed week 2. I spent this summer remembering why I became a teacher and refreshing my toolkit with strategies that are in line with my beliefs and teaching philosophy. I found out, or relearned, that the most important thing about the beginning of school is not only the teaching of procedures, but the teaching to each and every student that school is a place where they can be safe, accepted, understood, and valued. Tone is very important, even more than words. If your tone shows that you respect your students, the words, although carefully chosen, become secondary. This is what I have learned this week. Don't hang your students out to dry or throw them under the bus, even when they seem to deserve it. Instead, help them fit in, help them save face, teach them the correct way to respond to the trials and social confusion caused by so many immature bodies in a small space and so many grownup demands on their time, motion, and ideas. This isn't new to me. In fact, it is a bit like coming home after the past two crazy, grueling years of this redesigned school trying to find itself amidst the unbearable pressure of school turn around and all of the other small and large tragedies of life.

The first six weeks of first grade is a review of Kindergarten, so we have been reviewing Kindergarten sight words, one of which is the word "my."
Me: Okay, this word is my. Can you think of a way we use the word my? (I was ready to fill in, if no one had any ideas, with "My name is _______.")
La'Brian: Pimp my ride!
Now, how are you going to argue with that?!

...Through the Rain

I just looked back over my posts from the beginning of this school year. I am amazed that it began on such a hopeful note when I think about how it unfolded. From this end, it seems like it started wrong and ended lost in the forest from Snow White's Scary Adventures. It was a difficult year, so much so that I couldn't even stand to write about it. I can see that many good things did happen. The children grew - physically, emotionally, academically - and they learned a lot about how school works. I can proudly report that they can now sit in their place, walk in a line, perform all necessary lunchroom procedures. They still smile, laugh, and sing. They still hug and say "I love you, Teacher!" They know a lot of letters, letter sounds, numbers, can write their name and many other words, and can count as high as 149. We came a long way together, and I will miss them.

Note to Self

Remember the first days of school. PreK students love school, but always want to know when they get to go home and see mom or dad. They cry and test each other out by hitting, saying all kinds of things - kind and unkind, playing with, falling on, kissing, befriending, and ignoring. When they get angry, they say "no" a lot and resist attempts at comforting. They don't listen when you try to teach them the important procedures for a smoothly running school, and they have many stories of their own to tell you and no sense of when to tell them. They have accidents. They don't know how to keep their place in line or walk quietly down the hall. They don't know how the lunch line works at all, and might be scared of it because it looks like "the doctor." They don't know how to take silverware, choose a tray, push it down the rails, choose sides, turn the corner, wait for the space next to the cashier to open up, choose their milk, tell whether or not they have lunch money, or hold on to their lunch card. They don't remember where to sit, and if you try to point to the place, they will not look where you are pointing. They throw up for no apparent reason. They buy a snack credit, but don't know what it is and therefore do not redeem it. They play with absolutely everything. They don't know how to drink from the water fountain and are not strong enough to push in the knob on the faucet that turns on the water for washing hands. They can't quite reach the monkey bars and aren't skilled at sharing or waiting their turn. They do know that the important thing about a finished wooden puzzle laying on a table is that you can turn it over and dump all the pieces out. They know that the thing to do when you see someone running is to chase them, indoors or out, and the thing to do when you hear someone screaming is to join in. They know that if you sing a song with the words "I love you" in it, then you should dogpile the teacher with hugs. They really like to take naps. They love to sing and dance and listen to stories. They smile and laugh a lot. They are challenging, exhausting, wild, and wonderful!

How Wonderful It Is

I have been on the fence, so to speak, about this school year. Many things have changed since this time last year, and many of the changes are not for the better. We return - to battle the disappointments of realizing that Camelot will not materialize as originally promised, to tackle the challenges of working with an impoverished student body, and to push through the stresses of moving forward in uncertainty and unpreparedness that is beyond our control. We face the pressure of outside forces that muffle our heart cry for meeting the needs of our students in meaningful ways, and navigate the internal strife caused by politics and misunderstandings. So I came back to school still mourning the loss of our collective dream and my personal ideals. I dismantled the hurried packing job that I completed last June and stood in the midst of the chaos, overwhelmed by the clutter. I sat through the first two days of somewhat dubious professional development, gritting my teeth and trying to be invisible. Then I spent the weekend with my loved ones and cherished reality. I prayed a lot and thought about God's sovereignty. I remembered that God disciplines and prunes and that the process is painful, but the result is fruitfulness. On Monday, our teaching and leadership staff undertook a community walk to disseminate information and welcome families back to school. I saw some of my students and parents from last year. As my group walked and talked, I got some face time with my principal and was able to express some of my concerns. On Tuesday, I was beginning to feel ready to meet the new school year. My friend posted this quote from Anne Frank: How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. Today, I attended some professional development that was right on target and very encouraging. I feel lucky to be working in a department that understands and advocates best practices for Prekindergarten teachers and students. I have a lot to accomplish before Monday, but wondering if I will love teaching is not one of those things. It's going to be a great year.