Note to Self

Remember the first days of school. PreK students love school, but always want to know when they get to go home and see mom or dad. They cry and test each other out by hitting, saying all kinds of things - kind and unkind, playing with, falling on, kissing, befriending, and ignoring. When they get angry, they say "no" a lot and resist attempts at comforting. They don't listen when you try to teach them the important procedures for a smoothly running school, and they have many stories of their own to tell you and no sense of when to tell them. They have accidents. They don't know how to keep their place in line or walk quietly down the hall. They don't know how the lunch line works at all, and might be scared of it because it looks like "the doctor." They don't know how to take silverware, choose a tray, push it down the rails, choose sides, turn the corner, wait for the space next to the cashier to open up, choose their milk, tell whether or not they have lunch money, or hold on to their lunch card. They don't remember where to sit, and if you try to point to the place, they will not look where you are pointing. They throw up for no apparent reason. They buy a snack credit, but don't know what it is and therefore do not redeem it. They play with absolutely everything. They don't know how to drink from the water fountain and are not strong enough to push in the knob on the faucet that turns on the water for washing hands. They can't quite reach the monkey bars and aren't skilled at sharing or waiting their turn. They do know that the important thing about a finished wooden puzzle laying on a table is that you can turn it over and dump all the pieces out. They know that the thing to do when you see someone running is to chase them, indoors or out, and the thing to do when you hear someone screaming is to join in. They know that if you sing a song with the words "I love you" in it, then you should dogpile the teacher with hugs. They really like to take naps. They love to sing and dance and listen to stories. They smile and laugh a lot. They are challenging, exhausting, wild, and wonderful!

How Wonderful It Is

I have been on the fence, so to speak, about this school year. Many things have changed since this time last year, and many of the changes are not for the better. We return - to battle the disappointments of realizing that Camelot will not materialize as originally promised, to tackle the challenges of working with an impoverished student body, and to push through the stresses of moving forward in uncertainty and unpreparedness that is beyond our control. We face the pressure of outside forces that muffle our heart cry for meeting the needs of our students in meaningful ways, and navigate the internal strife caused by politics and misunderstandings. So I came back to school still mourning the loss of our collective dream and my personal ideals. I dismantled the hurried packing job that I completed last June and stood in the midst of the chaos, overwhelmed by the clutter. I sat through the first two days of somewhat dubious professional development, gritting my teeth and trying to be invisible. Then I spent the weekend with my loved ones and cherished reality. I prayed a lot and thought about God's sovereignty. I remembered that God disciplines and prunes and that the process is painful, but the result is fruitfulness. On Monday, our teaching and leadership staff undertook a community walk to disseminate information and welcome families back to school. I saw some of my students and parents from last year. As my group walked and talked, I got some face time with my principal and was able to express some of my concerns. On Tuesday, I was beginning to feel ready to meet the new school year. My friend posted this quote from Anne Frank: How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. Today, I attended some professional development that was right on target and very encouraging. I feel lucky to be working in a department that understands and advocates best practices for Prekindergarten teachers and students. I have a lot to accomplish before Monday, but wondering if I will love teaching is not one of those things. It's going to be a great year.